An Empty Dumpster, WTF?!

So, It's near the end of the week, and today I was doing some cleaning... Went to take the trash out to the dumpster and it was not even half full. And, that's never the case at my apartment building, especially this late in the week....

As I was walking out, I was letting my music shuffle on my iPod. An Alanis Morissette song came on called "So Unsexy" / lyrics:

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?

When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

So, I cried through this song, thinking about all that has happened in the past few weeks and months: relationships: ending and stalling, jobs: ending, friendships: changing. I have simply felt so rejected by everything around me, that It's been so difficult to be optimistic about anything.

There has been some beauty in all this, but there is so much ugliness around that at best, the beautiful moments are fleeting. But, isn't: that just/life?! I don't know the answer to that one.

What I do know is that seasons change, trash gets emptied and dumpsters are filled. It's a process... No matter how much you want to stagnate or reverse it, you can't. So, do I have the strength and courage to take the dumpster that my life has become, turn it into a gift box of sorts, and fill it up with things that make my life better and more precious during this season and those that follow.

Fill it with new experiences and relationships and jobs and career directions and creativity and a love for myself that surpasses what anyone else could ever feel for me? Can I do that? I want to...
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

...I guess if I just do this, I will be on my way.

So...I guess I'll start filling up my dumpster/I mean...gift box, or liFe... :-)