The little time I spent with God

Skies troubled
And somehow full of certain promise,
A movement East.
I woke up easy and new.
No more of that insistent blue.
And, she was inside me.
And, I at once knew her.
Her face, her carraige and gait.
I tried to reach for her,
But, she was slightly outside.
Every question I ever had,
She answered,
With open arms,
And a heavenly smile,
I sat in awestruck wonder,
Plunder
Through it all,
She gave me life.
Not, in the way Christians make you think,
Just in her breath,
There were Earth oils,
And jasmine,
And beauty.
I reveled in her warmth.
And she began to move away,
And, I began to understand my purpose,
And, to understand that life is only for that
purpose.
We'll go when we figure it out.
I love her.
She is not for me who they make her to be.
She is full of light and love,
And peace,
And does not wish to be feared.
And, those gray skies
Move back westward,
And, she was gone.
I was changed.
I am new.

Jason Christopher Johnson
November 29, 2010

I'mma need some o' my space back!

I cant let you keep walking away wit
All these pieces o me.
My voice & surety.
My wholeness.
The strength of my plight.
Chippin off my soul for your pleasure
& ignorin' my delight.
Packing up my voice & my songs.
Tradin' in my rights for your wrongs.
I'mma need some o' my space back...
Some o' my time.
I need some o that light to shine.
I can't let you keep stuffin my peace
into your dirty drawers.
All messy and stained full of trouble
& disdain.
Cuffed up & puffed out life a foreign
full moon.
I need some o' my space back!
Some up & down...
Some o' my round & round.
You keep walkin' off with my Armani
& my hand.
My Ferragamos fit your feet.
I'm standin' in sure quick/sand.
I can't keep lettin' you twist out my light bulbs
& leave me in the dark.
You comin' near me after you've placed me so far?
I keep ironing you shirts,
When I only wear wrinkle free.
I can't take my time and out it
Inside your pity!
I'mma need some space back.
Runnin' thru my candles and wearin' out my
tire tread.
I keep holdin' up your shelves
& my foundation is wearin' thin.
I need some o' my space.
I have no more lemonade or candy corn.
No maple syrup for my french toast.
But you keep feasting
on my saps.
I'mma need some o' my space
and my bulbs back!
I keep sweepin' out cho ashes
& polishin yo glass.
I need some space back.
I wanna iron for me.
I wanna sing for me.
I wanna have some light.
I'mma need some o' my space back!
I can't even keep helium in my own balloons...
Breathing air into your life...
I need some o' my space back.
You keep grabbin' shoes outta my closet
so you can walk yo' punk ass all over me?
Even if it's slippers...
It's all too brutal to tell.
Got my hard drive clogged up wit images
o' you.
I need some o' my space back!
I wanna hold up curtains against my walls
& paint my own damn ceilings.
But, I been spendin my time sweepin your floors,
Dustin yo rooms
& pushin our order onto your shores.
I'mma need some o' my space back!
You no different to me than runnin' into a street thug.
Least I never trusted him to
watch me
protect me
keep me warm...
All... my oil is in your lamps.
All my sand is in your glass.
You just a dirty pimp
That's got no real interest in this ho..
no more than the next!
I'mma need some o' my space back!
Ruinin my highs,
Helpin me get low.
I needed you, intently.
But, all you wanted was my space.
Which, I'm gon' need back,
Fool!
Sittin' up at night,
Massagin you and washin
yo feet in Earth oils.
Crowding in on me til you was... my
whole.
world.
Friends gone,
Hope stalled.
No one here but you.
Big & stretched out.
Like puffy clouds.
You've taken over me...
My pimp.
I'mma need some o' my space back!
You fill me up like gas,
Familiar & uncomfortable.
& I can't push you out.
I really need some o' my space back!
I been tuffin' down jerky
& feedin yo ass rib/eye.
& you been like a wolf!
Violent & greedy...
wit my time
wit my space.
Save some for me man?
I ain't never wore a dress,
But, I crouched down & made myself
a big ole pussy for you.
Wet
& warm
& tight.
Thrilled up fa you delight!
Stayin' up late,
Rubbin yo shoulders
& clipping yo toenails.
Ain't had a manicure myself.
& you still leavin' wit my real life.
My whole space!
I'mma need some o' my space back.
I hope you figure it all out,
Like I have.
This whole thing is
Ass backwards &
all too wack.
Move on outta o' these walls fool.
I'mma need some o' my space back!

Jason Christopher Johnson
November 28, 2010

inspiration...

I was reading a poem from "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When The Rainbow is Enuf' by Ntozake Shange. It inspired me to write something in the same style based on events going on in my life. That'll be the next post. I'd love your thoughts!

Lines written for those who need to move forward...

I sat there, vacilating far too long,
Knowing all the words but no rhythm
For the song.
I came down from your place,
With only questioned remembrances
Of your face.
I walked around those banks,
Staring face down into
Saddened me.
Blue and dark and blurred and
Marred.
Removed from your face,
Dwelling outside your place.
I layed down, restful not
Teared up and swollen with
Dutiful anger and spared lust.
I hoped for more insistent blue,
But was pushed away from you,
Out onto a crest of something.
Holy and new.
And altar for this?
There is nothing sacred here.
I have no piercing shame.
Only fear.
I crouched down, into me,
Rebelling out of what I had,
A crown. A token.
Your arm?
Truths, not here.
Wholeness,
Only outside the heart.

Jason Christopher Johnson
May 15, 2010

The stand

I stood looking at my future place,
Deep-wading in an altered state,
Removed from your harmony
And grace.
My questions and fueled doubts,
Rose up like crests of full waves.
Driven ashore,
Were beached dreams,
Terse days,
Filled, slim nights,
And all your measures for my means.
I stand inside my present place.
Snatched back and full up,
In your face,
Your countenance and step and smile.
I stand wade/thrust,
In my shired mind
And present-place at your feet,
No mercy there.
I stood.
I stand.

Jason Christopher Johnson
August 17, 2010

There came.

There came
A crashing down sound
And I moved toward it
A simple, naive thing.
There moved around in these
Hollow  walls of my heart
An encampment of peace
And
Ease.

There lived down a love
Familiar and yet
Unknown.
A reminiscene into some
Unforseen and forgotten place
This came a differed pace.

There moved up
A safe space
For hope and solidity
And for the future
Time.

There came a day.
A night.
My heart eased.
I did awake
And, all my sight was consumed
With your face.
And
the memory of this place.

Jason Christopher Johnson
October 24, 2010