safety.

it's never safe for me,
to be near you,
cause usually we've both
been drinking.

it's never safe for me,
to be alone,
in the day or the evening,
cause my thoughts...

my thoughts
lean dark.

twas never safe for us,
to have met.

you stood, unmoved,
i stood, pushing,
even against hope.

i tried to move back,
to where we used to be,
when there was innocence,
and pride,
and smiles.

my blood stops
at your touch,
fear,
that it may be the last time.
or never feel like the first.

my shine,
dulled.
your allure,
nulled.

it's never safe for us,
even in the morning,
cause usually
you're just getting in.
and, i'm hard,
cold.

all i have,
all we have,
are our vices.

no hopes here,
for this thing
i'd dreamed of.
this...
us.

it's never safe for us,
cause i'm usually crazy,
waiting for you to feed me,
bits.
bites.
pieces of the you that
you want me to have.

nothing whole
or sure.

it's never safe for us,
cause usually i've been drinking,
tied up
in some time that
neither can find.
mirrors shined/down on all
that i go through,
just to be safe here with
some part of you.

walking around this house,
scared limp,
by your ghosts,

a lone wine glass,
a shirt you left behind,
the night's empty bottle of wine.

ain't no safety here,
cause we both keep fighting.
for the will that
neither has.

my heart sits,
half altered,
restless,
and, i can't look to you.

so, i'll pick up one more
bottle,
one more pill,
one more puff.

and, i know
there, will never be
safety
for me here.

Jason Christopher Johnson